Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Me and My Multitool (or...the inner workings of the male brain, from the female perspective)

If you are married, I'm sure you've seen some crazy stuff. I know I have. Here's a short list of some of the weird things I've seen, heard, or just noticed (repeatedly) after 6 years...

1)Men like tools. Multiple tools, many of which perform the same function. However, they will only use a few of these on a regular basis. There will be 1 favorite (in my experience, it will be a multi-tool or a knife)

2)A man will use said favorite tool for everything, from working on his vehicle, to cleaning under his fingernails (or, as I have personally witnessed...multiple times...pulling off a dead toenail/fingernail that was damaged due to improper tool safety)

3)Men have a different definition of clean than women. To a woman, clean means clean, freshly laundered, hung up or folded and put away. To a man, clean is the equivalent of warm...hence the putting of dirty clothes in the dryer for ten minutes before wearing (for the 4th day in a row).

4)Men hate doctors. To avoid going to the doctor, a man will go to any lengths. This includes, but is not limited to: duct tape, lighters/hot knife, super glue, fishing line, or animal fat. Yes, I said animal fat. I have a friend, who, when he gets a deep bad splinter (read: large shard of wood - he's a carpenter), he will take raw fat back and rub into the wound. This causes an infection, which in turn, pushes the "splinter" closer to the skin surface making it easier to remove. Once removed, one of the above methods will be used to close the wound. Band-Aids are very seldom employed for such an injury, and antibiotics are out of the question (because that would require a trip to the doctor).

5)Men like gear. Gear is different from tools. Gear refers to tents, tarps, packs, cordage, knives (knives fall into both categories of tools and gear), canteens, old metal coffee cans, scrap pieces of wire (for modifications to gear), and anything else that a sane female would probably consider trash. The gear does not have to be in good condition.

6) Men like modifications. This is why gear does not have to be in good condition. Even if it's brand new, a man will always find a way to make something "better". They will take a perfectly good pair of pants and cut the bottoms off to make shorts, and then cut the pockets off the bottoms to attach to another piece of gear.

7)Boots and Cars. These two would normally require a whole blog to go over, but I wanted to provide a brief overview. Boot are expensive, and when they get the ones they have drooled over for months/years, they will not be quite right...ever. Cars are not expensive. The modifications made to these cars, however, will be. The key to cars (so to speak) are: big motors, big tires, negative gas mileage, and loudness.

This is just a random sampling of stuff that I have noticed. If you know of something that should be on this list and isn't, PLEASE leave a comment here, or on my Facebook page. I like to know in advance what I am getting into. :)

Hope you enjoyed this.

Peace and Love,
from the swamps of the PeeDee